Matt, Liz & Madeline Logelin Charity Gift Registry

Since I'm feeling in such a funk and have nothing nice to say (except, I wanted to take this opportunity to encourage you all to give to Matt Logelin's chosen charity, My Stuff Bag Foundation.

SingleMindedWomen.com and the Matt Logelin family have created this charity gift registry for the My Stuff Bag Foundation, which provides clothing, toys and necessary items for abused, neglected and abandoned children (newborns - 18 yrs.) throughout the United States.

I sent a big batch of kids items to My Stuff direct from Amazon last week. It's amazing how many inexpensive deals they have to get the most bang for your buck. Click through my Amazon link at right to give me some love and go purchase stuff for these kids today! Oh, and don't forget underwear and toiletries - basic necessities that often get forgotten.

What is wrong with me?

I've been home all day. My whole body hurts. I cannot seem to move to get anything done. I have a report due and my project partner is waiting on it. We have to present tomorrow. I told him I'd have it for him last night. I have read but have not written a word. It is 4:30.

BECG2 called this morning. Said nothing about last night. Has not read my e-mail. Was off today and I haven't seen his face. I want to not care. I want to be able to get things done. I just feel so blah.

Stupid Men

I just had a little fight with BECG2. He is really, really, REALLY bad about communicating his feelings. He rarely e-mails, you won't see him sending me Facebook messages and, if he reads my blog, it's only for maybe a minute. I need communication. We have had many, many, MANY discussions about this. I sent him something funny tonight and then when we IM'd, I asked him if he liked it cause he didn't e-mail back. He said sure, which made me think he'd just disregarded it. I said "Well my blog readers seemed to think it was funny." He responded, "Do you want me to read and respond to EVERY post?!?" I said, "No, of course not. What I do want, however, is for you to respond to the occasional e-mail of mine. Doesn't have to be long, doesn't have to say a lot, I just like to know you are thinking about me." He said, "I don't know what you want me to say." I told him to just go to bed and let me work. Then I sent him a link to this and told him to look at #10. Then, when he didn't respond, I told him to also look at #s 14, 25, 32, 39, 44, 46, 49 and 50. About 30 seconds later he signed off Yahoo with no further discussion. ACK!!!! MEN!!! How fucking hard is it to just say, "Hey baby, thinking about you." Am I asking too much here?

Mmm and Codependent Giving

BECG2 just called me sweetheart. My heart melted. I am sooooo up and down in this relationship. It is probably just me and my depression. He really is a great guy. I was all stressed about this work project that was sucking up all my time and he came up with a great solution that made it go 10x faster. He is really good at seeing things clearly and rationally. Last night we went to the movies and then home for some sex. It was really nice but I tried to get him to say SOMETHING just a little hot and he just doesn't seem to have it in him. I teased him a bit and he said, "I have a 'bad boy' mind, just not a 'bad boy' vocabulary." Bummer. :( I'll keep working on him. Want him to show me some of his porn but he's just not quite there yet. Sigh...

In other news, I made a seriously codependent move today. Now I am rationalizing it as a smart investment but part of my brain goes, "You big needy fixing dummy!" I lent BECG2 all of my insurance reimbursement check from my recently stolen vehicle contents so that he could buy a professional camera and restart his side photography business. Don't scream. I did make him sign a promissory note. And he has worked professionally in photography in the past but had a ton of equipment stolen right after he closed his business and, because it was at his home and not at his company and he hadn't yet listed the items, it wasn't covered under homeowners. UGH. Anyway, he is an excellent photographer and it was only $1,800. Okay, it was $1,800 I could have used. But I honestly think he is going to find a ton of people to shoot. I have many contacts and he really is good with kids and people generally. Still, codependent. Hope I don't kick myself hard for this one. I know, I know, I know...

Shit

Overslept. Missed BeBop's therapy session. Got a lecture/guilt trip from the doctor. Talked her out of charging me $140 for missing. Thank God! On my way to work, late, sure to get shit from my boss. Webcam guy texted me this morning telling me to have a blessed day. I am having a stress-induced hypersexual day and wish he wasn't on his friend kick. Sigh... If only BEcG2 had texting abilities. But all he would say is probably "hey babe.". Nothing inspirational. Oh well. Looks like I am in for a late night at work anyway so I may as well throw this energy/frustration into that. Becg2 came over yesterday afternoon while I was working from home to drop off something I needed. The ex would never have passed up a kid-free afternoon with my bed mere feet away to at least have a quickie if nothing else. BECG2 just gave me a quick kiss and left. I know, I could have asked for it. I tried giving him a sensual hug to see if he would take it to the next level but no dice. I hate being the one who initiates all the time. Makes me feel undesirable.

I did go on that date last Thursday night. Ended very badly with my car getting broken into. And the guy was nice enough but there were zero sparks. Darn. I really like BECG2 but the sex drive thing is a huge problem. And I am damn needy right now so his inability to express his emotions drives me crazy.

Okay, vent post over.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

Relationship ADD

I am reading a book called "101 Things I Learned After My Divorce" by Tomi Tuel. Tuel describes a phenomenon known as Relationship ADD, which is where your benchmark for love is off-center after loving and healing the wrong way. Questions to ask yourself include:

1) Do you accuse your current love for no appropriate reason of having the same failings as your former spouse?
2) Do you scare off potential partners with the sordid details of your crazy ex?
3) Do you reveal too much about your vindictive tendencies?
4) Do you openly make derogatory statements about the opposite sex to the opposite sex?
5) Do you list the happiest day of your life as the day your husband hit rock bottom?
6) Do you make it a practice to have sex with more than one person?
7) Do you practice ABC method of dating? A is #1, B is #2, C is #3. A doesn't know about B and C; B knows about A but not C and so on.
8) Do you need a sex buddy in your life regardless of your interest in that person?
9) Do you pick someone to have a relationship with based solely on the charge you feel with them?
10) Do you lose interest in your sex partner after 6 weeks?
11) Do you consider two weeks between relationships as ample time for closure?
12) Do you think dressing for the occasion means dressing so that you can undress onstage later that night?
13) Do you secretly want to be a porn star?
14) Do you think if you tell everyone how great you are over and over, they will eventually believe it?
15) Do you want a new boat and plan to name it Babe Magnet or Midlife Crisis?

Needy

This is how I feel with BECG2. Frustrating. He lets me cry on his shoulder and is a comforting force but he doesn't do the reassuring part and that is sooooo hard for me. Why am I so damn needy?



This woman who takes on the world
And picks up your shirts, keeps it together somehow
This same woman that melts with your touch
Wants you to feel what I'm feeling right now

'Cause this woman needs
A safe place to land
The strength in your hands
To know you know
What this woman needs
Is somewhere to cry
So lay by my side
And I'll tell you, I'll tell you

This woman needs to be reassured
That my heart's your home, and love is what wills you to stay
I need you to see me in every light
And hear that you still think I'm beautiful anyway