Saturday, October 18, 2008

Meditation for Saturday, October 18

Today, I will stop clinging to the painful lessons of the past. I will open myself to the positive lessons today and tomorrow hold for me. I trust that I can and will take care of myself now. I trust that the Plan is good, even when I don't know what it is.


Went with BECG2 last night to pick up his daughter. She is such a sweet girl. On the way, Bebop slept and BECG2 and I planned a romantic weekend in California in an old gold mining town with apple orchards, lakes, etc. We're going to stay at a Bed and Breakfast and just walk around the town. I am so excited. :) Now I just have to get through this weekend, with X's return and a ton of things on my plate personally and professionally.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


BECG2 finally IM'd me last night. It is a small thing but it makes me
feel good that he remembered.

This week has been insanely busy so far. I can't believe it is only
Wednesday! I honestly haven't had time to feel anxious about X's
return. I'm sure it would be there if I allowed myself to think about
it. I need to wear a snap bracelet and snap myself every time he
reacts to something. Must remember that the only emotions I can
control are my own. There are several things he may flip out over,
like garnished wages for back child support, a scratch on his truck,
the fact that his grill mysteriously "disappeared", and, most
importantly, the "shit sandwich" (BECG2's term) of my new
relationship. May snap my wrist skin into a bloody pulp....

Sent from my mobile device

Daily meditation - October 15

Today I will get peaceful first and let my work and life emerge from that base.
Just as your earthly house is a place of refuge, Gods house is a place
of peace. Gods house has never been plundered; his walls have never
been breached.

Sent from my mobile device

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


Darn wine bottles with thick innards. I thought I had a full glass left but, no, barely 1/3 of a glass. Darn it!!

Went to watch BECG2 bowl in his league. He said to hop on IM when I got home because he was going to send me something. It's almost midnight. Nada. Sigh... That's okay, he had a guy over looking to rent one of his rooms so maybe he's tied up with that. In a good mood today. Not letting things get me down. ;)

Loong night!

Work crisis at 4, had to cancel uncancellable plans. Crisis kept
snowballing and I am just leaving at 9. Yawn!

Progress, though. Becg2 sent me a sweet "hey sexy" Im around 6 that
cheered me and I put my foot down and left work midday for therapy.
Good session!

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Today's Meditation

Today, I will trust that I will receive all I need to get me through today. I will trust that the same shall happen tomorrow.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

We-Vibe Initial Review

So I tried the We-Vibe with BECG2 and it was pretty nice albeit a bit awkward. I think the key is to move a lot and try to forget it's there. The friction is important. The other thing is that we couldn't quite figure out which side should be up. BECG2 did say that he thought it made him last longer, which he liked. Anyway, we tried it the night before I got my period a freaking week early (damn stress!) so we will try again when I'm in a better spot in my cycle.

I did, however, try it again alone today along with my Gigi vibe and a visit to For the Girls for a little inspiration. Holy crap! May not need a man for a while now... ;)

I'll get back to you all on the We-Vibe with a partner once I try it again.


So this guy expressed interest on I bit. Sent two questions, as did he. His response to my question about jobs you wish you had tried included Porn Star. I sent him an e-mail, laughing, and jokingly responded that I always thought I should be a sex therapist. So then he sends me an e-mail saying "You seem down-to-earth, direct and honest. You don't seem like a stalker type so here's my number. Call me." Ummm... He's hot and could be good for sex but you'd think if he was interested in more, he'd have conversed more. And I'm not really into calling guys. Hate when they do that. So not sure what to do next.

Today's my last day on All of a sudden everyone and their mother is winking at me!! WTH?!? I think Match must send covert operates in to make that happen. LOL.

Divorce Recovery Books

After our respective divorce support groups this morning, Bebop and I went to Barnes and Noble to get books. We must have both been feeling a God connection today. Bebop picked out a children's Bible stories book and brought it to me, asking to buy it. I'm glad because the one I have from when I was little is freaking scary!!! This one is much more age-appropriate. I picked up a book called Boundarieswhich focuses on "When to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life." This is a skill I really need to work on. I get that I'm Codependent and have no boundaries. What I don't get (Really!) is how to set them. I've read about half the book this afternoon and it is very, very good.

I also purchased Grace for the Moment by Max Lucado. I've been looking for some short daily meditations and Lucado has always spoken to me. We are not actively attending church but I'm trying to go with the idea that faith should be my center so that I'm not as rocked by life events. Finally, I purchased a second meditation book by Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go Hopefully the two books can provide some centering to my day and encourage me to start journaling so that I can "sit with my feelings", as my therapist recommends.

Bebop did get some fun books. He discovered SkippyJon Jones, about a Siamese cat who thinks he is a Chihuahua. It's a hilarious Spanglish book. LOL. He also got Froggy's Halloween. He has adored Froggy ever since we read Froggy Rides a Bike when he got his first bicycle last year. One of the words for fart in Spanish is "pedo" so we'd say the line "Froggy pedaled really hard" and Bebop would just roll with laughter.

Sunday reflections

Spent the night with BECG2 last night. Bebop and I went over for dinner and then Bebop went down in BECG2's daughter's room. BECG2 and I watched Baby Mama and then both fell asleep, exhausted, around 2 a.m. No sex, just sleep.

This morning we talked about depression at my divorce support group. It was the first session where I haven't cried, probably because I'm too numb. My primary care physician is upping my anti-depressant this week so hopefully I will be nice and medicated by the time X returns next week.