Sunday, October 5, 2008

Sunday musings

So this weekend was interesting. On the one hand, BECG2s family are all really nice and a lot of fun to be around. On the other hand, a large part of me feels guilty for leaving Be-Bop at drop-in daycare from 9 a.m. until 7 p.m. Saturday so I could go out and have fun. I did go ask him if he wanted to go and he said that he'd rather stay for the art party and pizza. But the Mommy Guilt came on hard, probably because my own mother was riding my ass for not only "abandoning my child" but also for getting completely shitfaced.

The other hard part about the weekend was BECG2s attitude. His family is so much fun but he was kind of mopey. He's been sick and has a bad toothache. The head part of my gets it; the heart not so much. He's very caring but not very emotionally demonstrative and I have a really hard time with that. This morning I woke up and pulled on his future SILs cropped capri pants. My butt looked pretty cute. Started to tease him and gave him a long, romantic kiss. He just rolled back over and went to sleep. Wasn't very romantic most of the morning. It wasn't until we'd returned to his house mid-day and I practically shoved him up against the wall that he showed any kind of interest. Every time I start to think, "Well, he must just not really be all that into me," he turns around and does something sweet or sexy. It's very confusing to me and I am having a hard time figuring out my feelings. I'm not used to this type of guy.

Right now I'm wearing a shirt he left over here. I washed it and was going to give it back but it's nice and soft and worn so instead I threw it on. ;) He reads my other blog and part of me thinks/knows (?) he may find his way here. I can only hope that if/when he does, he can understand my need to talk out my feelings in order to try to reconcile them. This whole getting in touch with my true feelings thing is really difficult.

Right now my true feeling is one of exhaustion. I was going to go to sleep earlier, darn it. It is 11:16 and I am still up. Bed now!

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