Monday, February 16, 2009

A Crappy Codependent Valentines Weekend

Yeah, you knew it was coming. What did you expect? I had hope but deep down I knew it wouldn't go well. I've been ill for a few weeks and working crazy hours, taking are of my kid, dealing with family crap, and still found time to do research and find some special Valentine's gifts for BECG2 (not to mention some sexy-as-hell lingerie that he ignored at night because it was too dark and left me alone in in the morning for whatever reason...). Men.

So I get in his car Friday night, put my stuff in the back of his car including a pink bag with my stuff for him. I show him the little box of chocolates and plant I got for his daughter. He says, "Oh, I haven't done anything for Valentines."

How exactly was I supposed to take that? It really, really hurt my feelings that after sitting on his ass for 10 days recovering from surgery (and he got up and biked 1.5 miles twice, drove across town to his parents' house, etc.) and getting off at noon that day, he found no time to do anything for me. So I sat there quietly and felt my eyes get hot and my face get red and just stared out the window. After we dropped my son off with my ex, he asked me what was wrong and I told him that my feelings were hurt. He turned it around on me and said, "So you're just automatically thinking the worst and assuming that I meant I wasn't doing anything at all for you? WTF?!? I can't make any comment without you turning it into some huge thing. For all you know, I was going to go out and get something this weekend. It isn't even Valentine's Day today." So that devolved into me over-explaining and back-pedaling, thinking "What just happened here?!?" and explaining how I must have misinterpreted his statement to mean that he wasn't doing anything. Ugh. He was pissed, I was hurt, it was bad. So we basically fought or didn't talk the whole two-hour drive out to pick up his daughter.

Then he told his daughter he had to stop by Kroger. He bought me flowers, a card and some candy but bitched about the cost of the flowers and didn't sign the card. He said he would do it later so I just left it next to the bed all weekend. Finally late Saturday night, I reminded him that it was by the bed. He said, "Oh, I don't really have anything to say. The card says it all. You can read it."

And that was pretty much it for me. We had sex Saturday night and then I told him that I felt like he had just gone to the store because I forced him into it (there's no winning there, is there?) and that the fact that he had no desire to sign the card made me think he really didn't care and was just saying he loved me because he thought that was what I wanted to hear.

Honestly, why couldn't he just have been content having sex and hanging out. Once he said "I love you", it changed the dynamics. But, honestly, why the fuck am I spending time with someone who cannot show me how they feel? Would it have been so hard to put two seconds of effort into something? He says he doesn't know a man who does that. Um.... Yeah, I think they are out there.

(On Sunday morning he got up and said he was going downstairs because the bathroom was out of TP. He never came back up. I was sitting there in my sexy lingerie. I thought he would come back up at least to bring me TP, considering that girls can't go to the bathroom without it. But, no, he didn't. I turned the TV on and watched a movie. He finally came up about an hour later and asked if I was going to get up and get dressed. Other than that, he pretty much ignored me all day. Then we got back to his house and he asked my son if we wanted to go hang out at the bowling alley while he bowled with friends. We went for 10 minutes. I had a beer, my son spent $5 at the arcade (which is all he wanted to do) and then we left. I haven't heard from him since.)

7 comments:

Mike said...

Sad to hear it.

T said...

Wow. That stung.

Bella said...

Do what my girls and I call love lock down. Lock it ALL down. No sex, no phone calls, emails... close shop. I'm sure it's easier said than done giving the whole co dependancy thing, but you have to take into consideration that you maybe teaching your son to just settle for whatevers in front of him instead of showing how to seek happiness that YOU DESERVE. This guy's an insensitive asshole and if you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything...put your big girl undies on and step up your grown woman status. You seem to just settle for less and that's not what you want for yourself or you son. If it's sex you're concerned out you should take into consideration that there is d*ck all over the place and you'd be surprised at how good it will be with someone that truly gives a damn....good luck with everything.

Life On Edge. said...

oh...:( I am sorry... the flower and card thing was a little disturbing I have to admit.

GG said...

Bella, I am doing the lockdown. He already e-mailed me in response to an e-mail from me earlier in the day telling him I couldn't continue in this relationship. Of course he turned it around and said I ruined the weekend by reacting to his "I didn't do anything" statement Friday night. But ultimately that was just a nail in the coffin of many things that make this not a good fit. So now I just need to be strong and remember why I'm doing this. That, my friends, will be the hard part.

Bella said...

I think you're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. Remember why you're staying away from him everytime you get the urge. I read your blog and you're an inspiration to me so if I can be of any help just let me know. It's about the only thing I'm good at now!

Mama Dawg said...

Men suck.

I was supposed to have some "adult time" last night and the guy bailed.

Gah.....this is what I get for trying to dip my toes into the dating pool once again.

No wonder I quit dating years ago.

It just never changes.