Teary

So I was honest with BECG2 last night. Told him I was feeling really bummed and resentful that he had said he was coming over, I'd fought with Pumpkinhead to get him down in his own bed (he usually spends Fridays in mine) and then showered and gotten all prepped for him to come over only to have him cancel. He was upset that I was upset because he had ton of stuff to get done for a Christmas party tonight (he is the photographer and it is his first pro gig in several years). We finally signed off and I thought we'd left it at kind of a peaceful resolution. But it's almost 1 p.m. and he hasn't called me.

I sent him an e-mail this morning saying that while I'm sorry if he thought I was over-reacting last night, I'm not sorry I told him how I felt. That is sooooo hard for me but I do not ever want to come out of a relationship again and hear a guy say, "Huh? Why didn't you ever tell me you were so upset about [blank]?" and feel like I was blindsided. I always thought I was clear. So now I'm trying to be CRYSTAL CLEAR. Then he can't say I didn't tell him.

But, seriously, am I out of line to feel like he should have called this morning? My heart hurts. And I want it to stop!!!!

Not Tempting Enough...

He just called. He's "busy". Working on his computer. And it's cold outside. I've had a crap week. I just fought with my son to sleep in his own bed even though he normally sleeps in mine on Friday nights because, damn it, I thought I was going to get some. FUCK. I hate men sometimes.

What part of naked don't you understand?

So it's 11 p.m. At 10:24 p.m., I sent BECG2 the following text message:

Just stepped out of the shower. My skin is steamy and flushed and hot and... well... wet. Any ideas on how I might remedy the situation?

The man lives 10 minutes away. Harumph.

Wow...

Ms. Single Mama wrote a post today that really spoke to me. She said that she keeps feeling like something is missing in her new relationship and it turns out to be drama, disrespect, etc. -- basically, the bad boy factor.

She said:

“I’m not all giddy, crazy, head in the clouds in love with him like I normally am with men. Instead we’re just slowly developing this deep friendship and I feel very calm.”

“That’s okay. It’s normal and very adult. You just need to re-learn some things, re-learn how you see things and feel things, that’s all. We can fix this kiddo!”

I TOTALLY got this! I think I'm realizing more and more that a lot of my relationship issues come from MY reaction to what I think the person should be doing based on my imprinting not based on any realistic understanding of who they are. Now I am NOT saying that BECG2 is "the one" or that we have a future. But I need to stop sabotaging the fun time we are having because something is missing. He is kind to me. He makes me laugh. I really enjoy sex with him. So I need to QUIT the racing mind "what is missing? what is missing? what is missing?", at least for right now.

So little time

I am soooo sick. Darn cold. Came on last night and is kicking my butt today. My nose won't stop running so I am now sporting chapped cheeks and a pile of coffee table tissues. I am trying to be productive and it just isn't working out.

I had to spend an hour with X today. It was sooooo unpleasant because I was just pissed that I had to be there and he was like, "WTF is up your butt?" The salesperson said, "okay, you two, this isn't divorce court."

Then I got a lecture at my Divorce group today about how sex can only be truly special and spiritual within the confines of marriage. Whatever. I pled the Fifth since I knew I was in a grouchy mood and then finally spoke up and said, "Look, this whole "masturbation is the devil's tempting you thing" just seems wrong. I don't appreciate the video shaming women into feeling bad about their normal sexual needs. God made us to seek companionship. For those women who choose to keep sex within marriage, I don't see any problem with masturbation (or porn - but I didn't say that." Geez.

Then a woman who just got out of a 30-year marriage with a man who is porn and hooker addicted said, "But what if you wait until the wedding night and the man is no good?" Then she wailed, "I just cannot do that again!!!" LOL.

For those of you who plan to join me in hell (lol), Babeland is offering 10% off any product with the promo code "Secret" as well as free shipping for orders over $50 and a 25% off sale on customer favorites.

The Sweetest Christmas Gift

Do you have a newly divorced friend, a spouse or a significant other out there who could use a little holiday cheer? After my divorce, I went out looking for some information and products to help me get through the lonely nights. For years I'd either visited local stores or Good Vibrations. Then I found Babeland. With its clean, easy-to-navigate web site, instructional guides and product reviews, it was exactly what I was looking for! And, bonus, they have lots of sales and are typically cheaper than Good Vibes (and less cheesy than the local stores). I have purchased a Gigi, a WeVibe and an awesome lube and have been exceptionally pleased with the whole purchase experience. I called them to order the GiGi and the sales people were excellent - very knowledgeable. So go pick up one of the gift sets, a gift card or a special toy for your friend/spouse/SO today!

Matt, Liz & Madeline Logelin Charity Gift Registry

Since I'm feeling in such a funk and have nothing nice to say (except, I wanted to take this opportunity to encourage you all to give to Matt Logelin's chosen charity, My Stuff Bag Foundation.

SingleMindedWomen.com and the Matt Logelin family have created this charity gift registry for the My Stuff Bag Foundation, which provides clothing, toys and necessary items for abused, neglected and abandoned children (newborns - 18 yrs.) throughout the United States.

I sent a big batch of kids items to My Stuff direct from Amazon last week. It's amazing how many inexpensive deals they have to get the most bang for your buck. Click through my Amazon link at right to give me some love and go purchase stuff for these kids today! Oh, and don't forget underwear and toiletries - basic necessities that often get forgotten.